Phantastic Phanny...

I guess I should win the gold cross for my titles - don't ask me where I get them from.

I've been away from these pages for awhile and have come to appreciate the solemn moments that my time away has given me - solemn moments spent working at my 9 -5 job (realistically my day starts at about 5:00 am every day and terminates at 11:00 pm) trying to earn the money that pays for the shirt on my back.

Apart from this endeavor the meaning of my life at any rate is defined by trying to earn "a living" - to move up in a world full of foolish ideals. I see in my mind's eye: the collective group of humanity as nothing more than rats running round a maze designed by a crazy scientist - who delights in tricking, prodding, testing our limits and endurance just because he can...

We by no means make it any easier for ourselves. We agree to this by not saying a collective no to this slave like mentality to process. By not stepping back from the situation, by not learning from our mistakes.

I have gotten to a point where it appears my current life is concerned with NOTHING ELSE apart from my current job - my family, my personal endeavors, my talents - all have been cast aside to face the expectation of moving forward with my life (paying bills and earning a living)

I don't even want to focus on what part of my life is suffering or for how long this must go on...

It isn't even only about me...

It involves everyone around me who does the daily grind to such an extent that their very lives now revolves around the nucleus of "work"

More work, much more work and then some more...

I guess that's what is responsible for the varied forms of distractions that we find ourselves drawn to - perhaps as a means to mourn our lost lives or purpose or our "FU*K You! response.

Karaoke bars, clubs, strip clubs, wine and women - these are just a few distractions that has man by his short and curlies.

Patently pathetic...
Can we save ourselves?
It would be better if we could pick our poisons and then do that which is our choice - the regrets would be minimal and they would be as a result of our choices alone and not options imposed on us by society's expectations.

What a life...

Give me the playboy mansion for a week - I don't think I would score with any of the bunnies but it would be a welcome distraction from this drudgery that life has become.

Close your eyes briefly and let your mind wander...

Think of those hidden fantasies that are begging for fulfillment (make them the safe sort though) and imagine that this could be granted to you - right now...

Think of your deepest heart's desires and needs and imagine that you could have them now - right this very minute.

Now open your eyes and look around...

Obviously reality is over rated right?

Awash in a sea of doubt...

In my mind - I am drifting...

The swirling mist of confusion clouds my mind - I am willing to clear these doubts but the conditions of life persist and refuse to be courted...

Dreams are often the key to goals and aspirations - however they are like the unattainable - simply out of reach but temptingly close...

April and the butt of jokes - April fools day...
It was a chance to pull a couple of fast ones and unwind.

It was the first day in the month and the beginning of the second quarter - as far as personal benchmarks go we're on track...

However there is still so much to do - it will require some commitment and a belief in the impossible.

Take that flying leap!

Feelings towards...

It would make a great deal of sense if the world was a simple place - with simple rules and regulations to guide us through life...

Alas - life is not simple...
Therein lies the folly - my folly and the rest of the human race. I start to wonder on the justification of feelings - mine for the most part, continue to confound me on every level. I am the recipient of emotions that continue to shatter my cool poise and relative calm.

In the bracing wind of indifference the one thing that shakes my cool and humor mongering approach to life is women... On one level, I seem distant but with me great battles are fought to control my thoughts, desires - carnal and molten.

I watch them strutting about - all professional, all poise and in some cases glamour...
there are those that obviously merit - a first look, some merit a second and a few others merit - a third, fourth and eternal stare but that is expected...

I love their complexity - it is at once their blessing and curse.
The battle of understanding between the sexes remains one of those ever elusive holy grails of humanity - it continues to dodge us to this day...

However, i continue to be stunned at the way I react to them inspite of my mixed feelings - likely indication, I am more confused than them...

I dislike their affectations and attitudes, especially when at the end of the day they will eventually surrender control - some are really very nice others are bitchy and spiteful...

Their emotions are utterly complex and behaviors continue to astound my logical comprehension.

But some years down the line - you get married and settle down and both of you try to make adjustments around each other....

They remind me of dress up dolls - after peeling away the layers - what is left is actually bereft of complexity (still this doesn't over simplify them)...

If I told my girlfriend to wear something sexy - it immediately becomes a potential issue of contention - why should she wear it... Don't I like her choice of clothes? Is she a doll? etc...

Complexity - that's life

What to expect in a world full of suprises?

In one word - Nothing!
Nada, Zip.

Some days I wake up with sex and lust on my mind. Other days the idea is how to make money and just when you think you've found the formula and ticket to greatness...

You wake up from your pleasant dream to face the uncompromising glare of reality - you're broke most of the time, tired, frustrated on many counts and wishing that destiny would lead you on a white unicorn across the landscape of adventure...

Swipe! Swipe!!
That my friend was the sound of the two slaps I owed you since forever.

As said in one of my old cartons: Expect The Unexpected! A simple rule to avoid the advent of surprises - in this case BAD surprises.

I expect that the girl of my dreams will discover me and profess her undying love...
I expect to be transported to the plains of unbridled passion of which there will be no escape and more importantly I expect no unpleasant surprises.

That said: happy new year - may your dreams see the path way to success and may you find the fulfillment that you seek from your pursuits and endeavors.

In everything you do may you seek the counsel of GOD - in the silence of you conscience.