The greatest gift is: LOVE

breathe...
That's almost the first thing you forget when falling in love with something or someone.
You forget to breathe.

It doesn't mean that you have embraced a death wish nor does it mean that your respiratory functions have failed - its just means that you have surrendered the process of logic to take up the process of emotionally charged moments of turbulent Highs and Lows.

You remember the feeling don't you?

That need to constantly suck up this thing or person as if you could consume them into yourself. The sense of intensity that sets your wires abuzz. Beating heart that yields to excitement at the mere thought. The way you find your body reacting like a machine out of control.

However after the buzz, when the nerves settle down - the reality still holds true.
The reality indicates that there is hard work involved as in all things but the emotionally packed journey always produces the drama that makes love or falling in love a beautiful experience.

Love with every fibre of everything in your body, love with your entire heart- love until it feels like a raw open wound - love when you have nothing to gain - love with everything you have to give even when people call you foolish.

These dark and powerful emotions

Confess to me...
Tell me those dark emotions that typically besiege your thought horizons like dark clouds just before a storm. You know what i mean... Those thoughts that ramble in your head that you chose to give a voice to or not as the case dictates.

they hound you and crash against your shores like relentless waves and unless a means is devised to lessen their impact - they may just surge into your lands and lay waste to all you have achieved - if you let them.

And this is typically the choice we are often thrust into...
Do we give substance to our anger or do we ignore it at our peril?

Do we asasume that our passions and lusts and anger give us the right to act?
How can we tell when it is appropriate give substance to inner demons and when they should be banaished from thoughts into the nether regions that they came from?

How do we tackle and manage their impact on our thoughts and words and actions?

We are all composites of our most frequent thoughts and what we choose to think about gradually defines who we become over a period of time - we become our thoughts so to speak.

Thus if i give anger and drak passions a front burner in my thoughts they begin to define who and what i am - this is what makes humans so dynamic - this is the crux of our internal programming and wiring.

We can literally change these codes on the fly by what we permit within our minds.

To be in the grip of these emotions to be wrestled and pushed continiously from side to side as they buffer your cells in a rush of vast conflict.

Let us emerge into the sunligh and desimate the darkness with light.
Let us determine the thoughts we will permit and MAKE a conscious effort to school our minds - let us evolve into thoughts of health and success and objectives.

If I was GOD....

For those naysayers or others who will probably call me a heretic or loose cannon or a delusional delinquent without a belief in GOD - (you know the drill by now) and are entirely entitled to your own opinions.

I am NOT GOD - i make no claim to this nor will i EVER have the requirements to meet this esteemed position.
I am however human and in my many follies and failings - I have had these all too brief flights of fancy for those moments when anger, frustration and irritation have been the familiar stimulus for my often turbulent emotions.

You can't say that you haven't had these moments where you crave the power of GOD (albeit briefly or all too briefly - okay; for large moments of time) to smite your would be aggressors and make them pay the price for their transgressions and other failings and probably hold or call out to you for mercy and pardon, while you look upon them with disdain and righteous anger.

But wait a minute...
That just sounded like a resume for me and you!
That's right - we're those aggressors - the very ones that you're talking and thinking about - that makes your blood boil over.

This morning while I was on my way to work - I was looking at a display that is so rife in this time of ours - where antics of road rage and other illogical behaviours where blatantly displayed by a whole lot of people - I could probably argue that I was the victim but I realized that even the ride I hitched (a two wheel contraption referred to in our local parlance as an "okada") was guilty of contravening the same laws and I by extension had permitted it due to my silence - for silence IS consent.

If I was GOD - I would hit the evil doers with the consequence of their actions but I stopped and realized that even in today's world - there resides a purpose for all actions (Good as well as Evil) - all serves a purpose in the grand scheme of things - all is a means to an end. Also if I hit today - somebody out there would probably HIT me back when his/her turn came to assume the GOD like powers.

Fortunately GOD - has granted humanity the gift of choice and yet due to our short sightedness - we have consistently made decisions that have brought woe and dread to subsequent generations after "WE" the original decision makers are long gone from this world. It hasn't always been all bad choices but it could have been better.

If I was GOD - I would do something drastic but then suddenly i realized - if someone else where GOD - he/she would do some equally drastic things and I would be equally affected by that decision.

If I was GOD - I would probably give in to my caprices and short term feelings of anger, fear, frustration and power drunken self adulation.

Therefore and most humbly - I am thankful that I am NOT GOD or never will be.

What did santa get me?

We're on the eve of Christmas and so much yearning exists - so many questions requiring answers - answers we may not be ready to face up to. I am equally wondering...

What does this year mean me?
What would I have done differently?
What would I do again?
What can i improve for the coming year beginning with now?
How do I feel about me?
How did I fare towards those around me?

If the answers come out largely positive (if you are truthful) then I guess you're well on the path to becoming a better you - if not there is always room for improvement.

This is to the self examination that you should probably undergo - may the light shine inwards and expose the areas that require improvement...

God bless you

Ironic bits and maddening fits...

I've been awhile away from these pages - and now by mutual consent - as part of a very interesting turn of events and conversations - I'm back!

Your know who you are aimeeshore - THANK YOU!

Ironic that I'm here under these conditions.
To stare down a fear of words or their lack there of.
To awaken the beast of these ink filled corridors.
To wallow in this cess-pitt of emotions begging for expression.

that wasn't so hard - ironic that a lover of words like myself has run far way from the ink spewing ways of the writer. have you ever wanted something so bad that you ignored everything just to have that object of desire...

Ironic that it takes another in the dire straits like mine to awaken the burden to spew these words like vomit on the sidewalk.

Words and me are intertwined like the thorn and rose...
Inseparable as always.

To Perceive: To scatter the dark clouds of ignorance with knowledge

In the gloom of the dark cave without any form of light, the strange shapes of humanoids hurdled together to gather heat and provide warmth among themselves. Howling winds snaking their way into the gathering occasioned by the flickering flashes of lightening and followed by the claps of thunder that would cause wails and moans from the un-nerved among this gathering.

This of course provided an admirable image when seen from an omni-present vantage point - a GOD who watched his creations at work and saw how they interacted amongst themselves and their environment.

Without this early man was doomed to certain death from the harsh and uncharted elements of nature.

Alas - many eons have passed and we are far removed those days but some of those pre-historic instincts are still part of our all to human heritage. Although the group mentality is somewhat modified and alot of the uncharted has become known, we're all still hurdling together in one way or another. We have our social clans, our functional or hunting clans  - as you can probably deduce by now; there are many clans and each clan provides a support structure and pecking order to the individual members.

The role of perception in this equation is the availability of knowledge to explain or to find the logic behind the unknown phenomenons or mysteries surrounding us.

Perception is the key that unlocks the secrets of the unknown - allowing the light of inquiry to dissect and expose the general principles behind these "terrors" that defy explanations from times gone past.

Perception is the gentle blade that slices through the veil of the unknown - parting it gentle to slowly reveal what lies clouded or unclear.

The greater the level of perception the more awareness we gain of that which had formerly defied all explanation. To perceive is to gain understanding through the senses and to arrive at a conclusion that exposes what was formerly a mystery.

We grow our perception through constant use and meditation and by opening our senses to the very things around us, we can gently ponder on their significance and how they fit into the grand scheme of things.
Perception is an internal and external process. 

A mind that is emptied of worries and other insignificant processes will be best suited for the task of perception - an inner gleam that is both conscious and unconscious.

An art and a science - it straddles both in ways that defy explanation.

But its usefulness cannot be over stated.


It served us well then just as it still serves us now.

Motives for actions

What comes first? The Chicken or the egg?

What do you think? Yes, you - you know I'm referring to you. Don't look behind you. Ahh, I finally have you undivided attention.

Why would I pick motives for a discussion? That's another question for another day.

Motives are the objectives required for taking a particular line of action based on a set of conditions/criteria which have been evaluated internally. These conditions maybe personal reasons (in most cases they will indeed be personal) and thus they will undoubtedly influence the motive.

Humans are an undoubtedly selfish species like every other group on earth - our higher intelligence should actually come to our rescue but we seemingly have not learnt to harness this vast pool objectively. There in lies our quagmire.

The influence of emotions and other subjective factors have often swayed thinking in non-logical or subjective directions. It is one source of strength sometimes but in most cases it is a major hindrance and weakness.

In this light - the underlying motives required to justify action is based on these sometimes unspecified objectives of ours.

For instance in the pursuit of any female of interest, there are various considerations that make her fit a given criteria - these range from physical appearance, carriage, poise, confidence, character, integrity, intelligence, wisdom, objectivity, personality to more esoteric  characteristics etc

These listed traits might to a great degree affect who decides to initiate the chase and who decides to pass the chance. And yet these are all objectives that were considered when arriving at the motive.

The motive in some cases can be intangible but it summarises the internal value map for the respective individuals.

Motive creates the necessary drive for action - motive provides purpose and purpose is the engine room of action.

My motives may not always be laudable, they may not always meet a higher moral code and they may lack integrity but the motive once it has been defined from misplaced objectives will often be itself misplaced.

The motive thus then produces the action which is characterised either as appropriate or not appropriate.
Alas man has always leaned towards the less appropriate channels.

Man's motives are a question of his inner considerations - to each man, his own.