the GIFT of LADY FATE

Once again I am in the hands of this temptress - this paragon of mystique. I am alone - trapped by my desires to subjugate her, to tame her and to succeed where very few before me had managed to do so and many after me will struggle still.
The very specter of her - her beguiling wiles and enticing smiles continue to lure me in repeatedly; like the call of the sirens - a dead man walking to his doom.

In spite of my open reluctance to fall prey... I am held captive - a willing surrender, a mindless desire to stay in her company and to fall victim. She has seen the demise of men greater than me and yet - here I still stand before her yet again. Why? Was it because of my fascination and perseverance? Was it because I chose to stand firmly in place in the face of her screaming wrath and the brutal fury of her veiled claws... She drew no quarters and expected none and yet there was something in her that promised me all I ever wanted - if only I could pass muster and stay the course.

Each endeavor was repeatedly squashed. It was one failure and setback after another and yet I chose to continue because there was no other way. I had committed too much to turn back. I would not bow to the demands to give up - my spirit was tired, my flesh was worn down and my mind was a chatter of angry voices begging me to relent and walk away BUT.... I was certain that If I kept at it; she would relent.

The cult of success is guarded by the few who have seen the infernos of hell and desolation and like the JOB of the bible been wiped with the aim of surrender BUT lived to tell the tale and yet their silence was all the answer you got because they still bore the scars to prove to the disbelieving - to show as proof that they had faced down their worst fears and survived. I would do the same and even though it would hurt me and leave me tattered and torn - I will never give up! Not to her and not on my dreams and aspirations for without them I am nothing - a rudderless ship set adrift in the tidal wave of life's buffeting currents. Subjected to the caprices of the storm's fury and scorn and tossed around as she sees fit.

She bore down on me with venomous intent and I bore the brunt of her castrations - look, see how she has ravaged my masculinity and robbed me of my identity. See the lacerations she has left on my psyche and the ravaging wounds that cover me. But not anymore - her time too shall pass and once more, I will tame her and make her fortunes mine.

There is no escape - only the reward that is due to me - to take that which is my right. I do not stand idly by to complain about the unfair hand that she deals - I simply go after what i want until i get it. Fate has given me the ultimate prize - her beauty and fortune, her tempestuous nature and her favour for I stood where most had failed with the prize in plain sight and within my grasp. She is a worthy goal - regardless of the outcome, she is a worthy prize indeed!

the WAR called LOVE

There is the sense that LOVE is some campaign with the intent of winner takes all - including a subdued and humbled carcass. Not sure why but that's the sense i get. That need to control the outcome from the very beginning as soon as the age of excitement and discovery is OVER - it become a trench fight.

Soon subtle and not so subtle plays on each other start to take place. Then comes the gentle guiding and controlling antics.

AS they say: All's fair in love and war.
But is Love a war? Or rather i should ask: what type of war does one wage when matters of the heart are on the table? Who ultimately wins? Is there meant to be a winner?

The hollywood movies seem to have hit on some kind of format. Even the happy ever after stories have the same idea - they get the part of great strife but they wrongly assume that a "Happy ever after" exists.

I think it does at some level but not without growing the muscle required to make it truly worth it. The happy ever after state is REALLY a state of contentment or fulfillment. Nothing is truly happy ever after unless you have fought for it or have come to truly understand the REAL value and meaning of what you have.

Its like keeping your eyes on the finish line and being distracted by those behind you. Those behind don't matter - what matters is that you touch the finish line first.

In a nutshell - FOCUS.
One must also be willing to let go of the fears and doubts that keep making a dramatic comeback like a bad movie script. Faith and fear cannot exist in the same place competing over the same thing. These are habits that are breed and cultivated. You let it in - you can also throw it out.

It matters that you love but it matters more that you know what you have. The notion of proving or pursuing is so outdated that it makes one wonder what the fuss is all about. Why must someone prove to you when you either know or don't know? Why must someone convince you as to the state of your emotions or feelings when you are in a FAR better state to tell them what you feel?

What after all are these pesky feelings? They are like entanglements that become substituted for the main thing. What then is the main thing? The main thing is the conviction that you truly know you have or need and that resides in you regardless of what time of the day it is.

That is something that we see less of. The reason is not so far fetched - we're spoon fed the very nuances of our thoughts. TV, CABLE, MAGAZINES tells us what to think and sometimes even how to think. We barely challenge anything that seems to come from an authority figure without realizing that this isn't a one size fits all scenario. There are always variations and there will always continue to be variations.

We have a tendency to see everything through the narrow filters of our perception.
As they say: If you have a hammer; everything that comes along tends to look like a nail to be hit.

This state of ours is far from over. It hounds us from time to time and tests us to the limit. We become poets of reason in our bid to understand a state of mind that has no true verbal expression.
Ask your self this: Have you had anyone able to correctly describe what love is? Answer: No.

We only describe what it looks like or feels like.
That's because we cannot use the verbal facility to describe a state of mind. There is simply no correlation.

And don't argue this: It is a state of mind. It serves a function in the broader sense of human evolution asides the sappy cinematics that hollywood would have us believe. A case of life imitating ART.

No battle is ever won without casualties. Fight wisely or at least with the long term in plain view.
Remember - emotions pass. Convictions on the other hand are more lasting until they are displaced by better convictions. At the end of the day, we are masters of our fate - the ability to stir the boat through the various strife in our lives is a testament to a deeper commitment.

The human stories

From one point to another denotes displacement of some kind. Perhaps it is time, distance, events, people, experiences - all sum up to mark the inevitable disclosure that something took place. Now this is an entirely relative exercise and varies from person to person. It boils down to a perspective of sorts that denotes what each takes away during the occurrence of the said displacement.

While this treatise does not focus on the displacement - it does highligh the stories that we encounter in the various displacements that take place all through our lives. From birth to death; our lives are one story after another. Some leading to others and some seemingly standalone but never completely isolated from the story of life in which we are all participants. 

Our life stories are personal histories and we have been tasked with playing the role of historian and narrator in this macabre scheme. In film footage and taking a nod to its "PORN" roots, it's called a POV footage or in lay man's terms; point of view.

Our points of view are like the mirrors of a car that give us a view of what's behind us in the context of angles, perspectives. With a little twist to the mirror we can even cut off certain footage and focus on what we term particularly important. At that level it is an individual matter as preference comes into play.

Our stories are about triumph and failure, victory and defeat, perseverance, persistence and hard toil, easy smiles, tears that could drown the titanic and pains that closely resemble the pangs of child birth.

Like the high points or low points of every story, plot or movie - it is merely part of the narrative and provides the shades and tides and ebbs, which marks the various transitions and waypoints that life provides.

Sometimes like the mirrors in our lives, we chose to look at the past with the intent of changing something that has already taken place, sometimes it becomes a means of escape from the present travails of today's troubles. Understand that the mirror is a tool and that it does not replace or supersede the person USING the tool. Thus our ability to analyze the past does not overshadow the present nor does it warrant us to dwell In a time that has long since passed.

Just like a budding videographer - we have good takes bad takes and eventually what we preserve.

The tapestry we call life is like a movie reel and due to our edits, cuts and scrapped segments - we might end up with a version that we like or dislike.

Tools all serve a purpose and will come to their true calling in their time of need. The absurdity of the human conditions is sometimes replacing the order of dependence such that the tool becomes the master and the user becomes the slave.

Tools like us humans, are part of this narrative. We create them, we empower them, they become a part of the story told through our views and perspectives. With the passage of time, comes the occasional clarity devoid of emotions - that shows us what we should have done or where we did go wrong.

Our triumphs are merely a part of the story, so also are our failures. They do not define us unless we chose for them to do so and therefore with our own guidance and involvement, the story can perhaps lead to our real and true purpose in life.

There is no other reason to be the storyteller and narrator of your own story if you cannot determine the type of end you truly seek.

Shalom.

Called to a life of service...

Occasionally when the fancy comes upon me; I find myself looking for conversations with others.

The reasons vary but it stems from a general curiosity about how others think, feel and act.

I am curious as to how and why they make certain choices and what their motivations are or were; depending entirely on if the discussion is centered around the moment or around events gone past.

Which brings me to today's topic of discussion. Service to one and all.

What is service and what does it mean or represent? And before you start groaning inwardly and proceed to consign this conversation to the waste bin of irrelevance... I would have my say.

Service is rendering an action with a desired purpose to someone who either requests it or is in need of it. While this is open to broad interpretation the summary is basically about doing something useful for someone ( could be self directed or outwardly directed)

Typically service makes us truly useful and in the long run determines if we have perceived value to ourselves and to others. This could be be a good thing or a bad thing depending on what your motives are and how others perceive you after the act. With service you can position yourself as a go to person and gradually build a competence and reputation defined by the history of services rendered in the past.

The other alternative is that you could be perceived as a person who never says no to any request and therefore will become everyone's go to source; a truly tiring dilemma.

Now while we should look at all sides of this dilemma; let us not forget that we each have agendas of our own. Typically most people preform an act of service with some sort of motive in mind.

It could be a long term benefit, a strategic or tactical action, a key requirement, a matter of life or death and so many other possible scenarios.

There is however a side to service that seems too noble or pure but that nonetheless exists. When we have learnt to look beyond ourselves and the benefits for just ourselves or those of interest to us; then we may enter into a better understanding of a new kind of service. That which treats everyone as a potential beneficiary of the service mechanism.

The human nature is a complex thing made more complicated by our dynamic environment, cultures and social mores. The law of self preservation as well as other succinct and embedded principles have turned us into a caricature of our true natures. Even nature has knowledge of these systems of service and enlists them to create the various cycles that govern the balance of life.

If nature understands and utilizes service in its truest form; devoid of sentiment then why can we not as superior and gifted creatures do much more?

Should there exist a motive that determines who and what we serve? The greater good? The greater benefit for self, the greater reward etc

Service to one and all should be the common ethos. One day we will require such selflessness of each other and when we can no longer give it then what have we become?

You cannot become what you did not perceive

The jury is still out on this topic title and time will tell if the assertions stated here will hold its weight in gold or will be discarded.
Here is a thought. How can you become something that you did not perceive?
It would be different if we allowed the random acts of fate or nature to occur and steer you in the required direction but then again; you would still need to be made aware of exactly where your journey would lead you to. If not the journey then at least the final destination.

Truth be told; how can you become something that your mind never pictures at some point? How can you become a teacher, scientist, doctor, lawyer without having first pondered on any of these career paths?

Even if the path was foisted on you there is a choice and point when you mind embraces the path and begins to perceive the possibility of the new path.

We cannot become something that we did not at some point perceive. It is not the nature of things.

Self Appreciation and the Journey to being a better person

Your are what you believe and yet even that is not true - people believe one thing and do another.
Maybe not in whole but in a large part - your thoughts, opinions, environment continue to sift and shape your individual identity.

Seemingly inconsequential actions continue to shape you to no small degree. By who and what you interact with, by the very choices you make or don't make, by the company you chose to keep or not keep, by your wants or needs.

In today's world where identity is a transient thing in constant flux - it is sometimes harder than ever to pin ourselves to an accountable standard. Have we really fallen so low that we cannot provide the compass of moral direction to our affairs.

Do we lack guiding principles?
In this quest for identity - our state of well-being - tied often to our earning power, our perception by society as being either successful or not continues to shape our lucid attempts at self portrayal.

Can we not maintain some sort of code of conduct - if we chose to run foul; then let us at least be steadfast in that regard. We will and wish for change but are scarcely ready for it when it comes.

It is so much surprising how we are caught unawares - in this battle of balance that is often skewed against us based on the very choices we make or don't make for that matter.

Often sacrificing our better judgement of moral necessity on the bed rocks of greed and materialism and to what purpose? A short lived life that is spent amassing wealth and nothing else?

I constantly admit my failings to myself not because it think it makes me a better person but to constantly remind myself that if i chose to deceive the whole world - let me not fall foul of myself. To thine self be true.

Shalom.

The greatest gift is: LOVE

breathe...
That's almost the first thing you forget when falling in love with something or someone.
You forget to breathe.

It doesn't mean that you have embraced a death wish nor does it mean that your respiratory functions have failed - its just means that you have surrendered the process of logic to take up the process of emotionally charged moments of turbulent Highs and Lows.

You remember the feeling don't you?

That need to constantly suck up this thing or person as if you could consume them into yourself. The sense of intensity that sets your wires abuzz. Beating heart that yields to excitement at the mere thought. The way you find your body reacting like a machine out of control.

However after the buzz, when the nerves settle down - the reality still holds true.
The reality indicates that there is hard work involved as in all things but the emotionally packed journey always produces the drama that makes love or falling in love a beautiful experience.

Love with every fibre of everything in your body, love with your entire heart- love until it feels like a raw open wound - love when you have nothing to gain - love with everything you have to give even when people call you foolish.